PushButtonClick

2008-03-24T15:07:00.000-07:00

Wow. My school is going perfectly fine. This is kind of a wonder for me. Getting really fine grades ( hoping to keep that up) and finish the damn thing.
Which means a new school with classes I probably like, meeting new people and getting a place of my own. New studies and living on my own gives me a lot more freedom, and change. Those are the things in life I mostly crave. If my life is the same too long I fuck up everything really badly just for a change. Not really healthy, I know that, but as long as I'm aware of the turning point I now try to occupy myself with good and healthy changes, before it goes spiralling downwards.
I have to work my ass off for finishing school properly, and I regret it that is affecting my social life. But it is worth it.
Spring's coming up, which means scary exams but also nice and fresh scents in the air, blossoms,skirts and big sunglasses. Which means reading books on park benches, watching people, riding my bike randomly around town , just wandering. Spring and summer mean drawing in the grass with friends, and making campfires and laughing to the morning hours.
I think I have almost never found myself so calm and happy, but I guess that just means that puberty is over ( and so are the raging hormones) which is perfectly fine by me. Ready for the next steps, studying harder , making money ( not spending it responsibly, but just travel a lot)
The only bad thing about an ending puberty is not being able to use it as an excuse when I have a really dirty mind again, and speak it.

listening: bjork&moby - big time sensuality

2007-11-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

Damn. School is killing me. Many assignments to hand in, and they're bloody difficult. At the moment I am really really tired. Went clubbing yesterday, and it was fun, but now my back hurts and my head because I had a few beers too many, and I tried to make an iglo in my bed with blankets so I slept in a really wrong angle.
I am kind of dissapointed, because the college I was aiming for ( the whole reason why i got into Havo again) was not about books, because paper isn't fashionable or something. It's about publishing( which i like) but focusing on magazines, e-zines, weblogs and the next big thing.
So, new search then.
But, I've got all the time in the world.

and i want this http://www.pacemaker.net
Kind of a turntable mp3 player.
Bit expensive, but hey.. it's awesome.

mmm, i want a cappuchino. really bad. And I want to play the new game, assasins creed. It looks awesome, and youre a hitman in 1200 or something. That means killing pope's or knight templars and stuff in Jerusalem. :)

listening - digital mystikz
drinking - apple juice
mood - neutral & tired

2007-11-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

Now I am going to kick back and relax.
Fuck all this stress, I refuse to touch a book again.
I want coffee, and my drawing itch is back.
HURRAY.

But I'm kind of relieved.
Broke up with Rick, cuz I just wasnt in love anymore. Still staying friends so he is not out of my life, because I really like him, just not in THAT way.
Gives me peace of mind.

Bought a really stylish coat, with an enormously high collar. I feel like a total hitman.
Got a medaillon for my b-day, still too lazy to put a pic in it, so now there's only disney confetti inside.

Now I'm going to draw before the itch fades.

copy, out

mood: rebel-ish
music - I, cactus

2007-11-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book about a shark in the maelstrom's of your being ( kind of a virus in the combination of your mind & body) that eats your memories.
It's a really fucked up book, but amusing none the less.

Maybe there is such a shark in my system.
Friends ask me all the time ' did you remember when you did, when he said this, when we played ninja in class...'
No, i don't.I am a chaotic person, that for sure, and my memory isnt great, but lately I can't remember a thing. Its kind of disturbing, I only remember really outstanding stuff, or random bits of trivia without meaning.
It's like my mind is a sponge and someone wringed it out, leaving only a few drops behind.

My mind was full of memories, feelings, ideas and random other stuff.
Lately it's just blank. I hardly touch a pencil anymore , which i really miss, just drawing for hours, and less and less insane plots to take over the world.
Hardly anything gets a feeling from me.Mostly just some raised eyebrows or ' i am bored.....".

Quite weird. It feels like somebody put me on automatic pilot, and I just CANT FIND THE SWITCH.

So I try to drown myself in books lately ( besides school and social life) so I hardly sleep.
This all sounds pretty emo, but I am not depressed about it. It's just, that I hardly care anymore lately. Everybody talks about all kinds of feelings, and I can hardly remember how such a feeling feels.

Really really disturbing.

I need something drastic. I think I am going to shave my head and become a Buddhist Monk.

copy, out

Music: Vice records remix

2007-10-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

Soo..
I am so stressed right now .
It's an all new stress-high.
Schoolexams coming up, so if I ruin them, there is this minuscule change of being able to fix it later.
And I am just THAT GOOD at ruining stuff. ( damn, that sounds pretty emo)
It's like a special power of mine, ruining things. RUINING GIRL -WITH THE POWER TO RUIN IT!
heheh.
I am currently overdosing on books too, because i got muchos books for my 18th b-day.
So when I close my eyes I see letters everywhere. Its kind of fun, but then they remind me of the stuff i have to do for school, and instead of doing them I get so stressed out I just go smoke and make plans to do them later... ( later is NEVER mostly with me)

Finally eighteen. LEGAL TEQUILA , here i come!
And I got the greatest idea. AND I AM DOING IT.
I am going to Japan spring/summer 2009. 3 friggin months.
sushi, cherry blossoms, action heroes, really cute girls in really short skirts, apple crisps and comic books/ Did i mention sushi?
I am going alone, like a cowboy, and study the japanese language.
Green tea, not really fond of it. But i really dig all the crazy styles over there.
I'll just play the hot foreigner, and bring some tulip bulbs. Than I marry some crazy yakuza-wannabe and maybe they let me stay ( whattyacallit? a Permit, green card?)
Wonder how Jap-coffee tastes.

but it is going to be expensive so if you see me sitting in the street playing an instrument I really can't play well, just give me money and I will stop the awful sound.

Listening: Jazzanova - nonstop to tokyo ( just gets me in the mood already)
drinking : cinnamon tea

2007-08-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

why is it so addicting to do this random stuff?
Guess i really like fillings forms, especially unnecessary ones.

SHAKE IT LIKE A POLARBEAR NINJA

About You ( in this case , ME)
Eye Color:: green with brown
Hair Color:: blondish
Height:: 164 cm ( that's what my ID card says)
Favorite Color:: see-through
Screen Name:: pushbuttonclick
Favorite Band:: atmosphere
Favorite Movie:: battle royale!
Favorite Show:: house md , life on mars
Your Car:: I've outgrown it since i was 6. It's red with some tomato stains, and you have to drive it like a bike.
Your Hometown:: Utrecht ( Utreg me stadjuuuh)
Your Present Town:: Utrecht, still
Your Crushes First Name:: Rick
Your Grade:: uh, 5 havo
Your Style:: is awesome

* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: absolutely it's the ideal place for midnight wonderings and other bouts of insomnia
Kissed someone in the rain?: of course , i had to try that cliche.
Danced in a public place?: the clubs , the street, festivals......
Smiled for no reason?: I always have a reason, but sometimes i just don't feel like telling people, or i am 'just happy ' for no reason, but then i smile cuz i am happy and that's a reason.
Laughed so hard you cried?: yesterday
Peed your pants after age 8?: sorry, can't remember
Written a song?:: of course, and it sucked like hell
Sang to someone for no reason?: yes. singing is good especially when you mess up the lyrics way too weird.
Performed on a stage?: jup
Talked to someone you don't know?: talking to strangers is a really fun thing to do. Except if they're pervs.
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: Hmm, not really
Made out in a theatre?: sure
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: no idea what 8th grade is, but i guess. did it 4 months back
Been in love?: yeah

* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: Daan
Tell you, I love you?: mm, my mom and Sharon
Kiss you?: my little brother kissed me on the arm today. And the really nice mouth to mouth kissing did Rick
Hug you?: Isabel
Tell you BYE?: forget her name
Write you a note?: no idea, i only get online messages and emails. paper is so last year.
Take your photo?: Karien
Call your cell phone?: Mick
Buy you something?: Paul and my sister
Go with you to the movies?: Rick
Sing to you?: Olivier
Write a poem about you?: ewwww don't want to remember that
Text message you?: Mick
Touch you?: Isabel ( but not the dirty touching, you pervert, you)

* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: this afternoon
Time you cried?: a few weeks back
Movie you watched?: Nightmare on Elm street
Joke you told?: uh..
Song you've sang?: air- all i need
Time you've looked at the clock?: 21.33
Drink you've had?: apple juice
Number you've dialed?: not telling, she might get stalked
Book you've read?: Haruki Murakami - blind willow, sleeping woman
Food you've eaten?: cashew nuts
Flavor of gum chewed?: mint
Shoes you've worn?: sneakers
Store you've been in?: no clue, really
Thing you've said?: no way

* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: yes but if i write with my right it just looks really awful.
Whistle?: sure, but not really good
Blow a bubble?: only underwater or with chewing gum
Roll your tounge in a circle?: no idea
Cross your eyes?: yes i'm an expert
Touch your tounge to your nose?:nope
Dance?: i can , just not really good. I'm white
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: i can, but i get really cranky
Speak a different language?: yes i can
Impersonate someone?: only on the phone
Prank call people?: sure , that's awesome
Make a card pyramid?: never tried, so i leave ya hanging there
Cook anything?: sure i can

* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were ...:a cartoon character i would be Mamimi from FLCL
I wish ...: for world domination
So many people don't know ...:I am that cool
I am...: not a fish and secretly a polarbear ninja
My heart is ...: pretty bloody and fleshy and beating and Inca's probably want to have it for their sacrificing rituals, but i need it a bit harder than their gods

2007-08-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, small update for the people who read this.

broke up with Vincent, and almost instantly fell in love again, which really freaked me out at the time and i guess I freaked Rick ( the guy i fell in love with) out too with it.
The feelings were mutual ( the 'in love ' part, not the 'omg i am confused wtf ohh helll noo' part)
so that worked out reallly fine. very happy with Rick, passed on to the new grade ( with some summerhomework , but hey, I PASSED ! I am KING)
Gone to dour festival in Belgium, and it was way awesome. Sun , swimming , GREAT MUSIC , throwing canned foods, whiskey and cheap festival beer.Making fun of belgian accents...did i mention great music? It was the most insane festival ever , everybody there was CRAZY , and i saw some really disturbing things. And it was very dirty, and when I got home it took an hour in the shower to get all the mud and dirt of me.
And the last evening I got way drunk and embarassed myself awfully....my friends still don't let me live it down.
And for the rest of the holiday it consisted of wine, sake, japanese food,going to amsterdam...some parties, and maybe next week to Spain with my best friend, Sharon, who is more awesome than anybody I know.
Rick was almost cast for an Adidas commercial , but he turned it down ( which is retarded, because he could make 400-800 euro with it and Adidas is Holy!) which was kind of ironic because we were in Amsterdam because he and Colin had to particpate in an Nike commercial, but the shooting of the commercial took so much time that the part where to would come in was skipped, but they still got the money, so that was fine.

small update of my life

Mood- energetic, mood for doing cooler stuff than summer homework
Drinking - coffee, lots of it
Listening - the slip - even rats

2007-03-23T01:33:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 18TH B-DAY LAURENS!

and congratulate me too, homies , Me and Vincent are 2 years together and this very day.
We have all kinds of crazy plans, and I bought him an extremely cool present.

Probably editing or posting a new one tonight or tomorrow, more info, more feeling talk and more rambling or singing.

signing out, copy

2007-03-22T04:11:00.000-07:00

1.WHAT IS YOUR DISPLAY NAME ABOUT? Just random
2. WHERE WAS YOUR DEFAULT PICTURE TAKEN? At home
3. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Marie
4. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS? in a relationship <3
5. HONESTLY, IF SOMEONE WERE TO TELL YOU HOW THEY FELT, WOULD YOU LISTEN? I would try. If I liked that person
6. WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT MOOD? Feeling pretty good.
7. WHAT'S YOUR MOST VALUED POSSESSION? My book collection, my ring , and my headphones
10. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, AND CHANGE SOMETHING WOULD YOU? haha, a whole lot of stuff
11. IF YOU MUST BE AN ANIMAL FOR ONE DAY- WHAT WOULD YOU BE? A flamingo. I would be pink and be able to stand on one leg for long times, and I could peck you to death
12. EVER HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE?Yeah. Almost fell off a roof. And a few accidents, and almost died at my birth
14. WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE SONG THAT'S STUCK IN YOUR HEAD? Mason vs. Princess Superstar - perfect Exceeder
15. WHO DID YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS FROM?I forgot his name.
16. NAME SOMEONE WITH THE SAME B-DAY AS YOU? Tim and Bram. They're twins
17. HAVE YOU EVER SANG IN FRONT OF A LARGE AUDIENCE?Yeah. Last year
18. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?Hair and eyes.And the way they walk. I am pretty picky about teeth too . And length
19. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER FROM STARBUCKS? We haven't got starbucks in the Netherlands
20. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DRUNKEN NIGHT? Muchos.
21. DO YOU STILL WATCH KIDDY MOVIES OR TV SHOWS? Yesh, and it mushes my brain
22. DO YOU HAVE BRACES?Nope, but I had them on my 12th
23. NAME SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU TODAY.Not much yet. It's pretty early
24. DO YOU SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE? English, Dutch, German and French a bit, and a few words Italian and Japanese
25. IS THERE SOMEONE ON YOUR MIND RIGHT NOW?Yes.
26. WHAT HURTS YOU AT THE MOMENT? this chair. It is killing my back
27. WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR? for betters grades and better weather and my coolest mate Paul to move back to Holland. I miss the cutie

2007-03-21T16:44:00.000-07:00

Dyed my hair almost to the original color,got to working out, got back together with my boyfriend, bored myself to death at school and my mum has been to Ghana, and an old classmate died.

And somehow it feels boring , or normal, all the stuff that has happened from december to now.

did someone say weird?

played ninja with Fiene and spend way too much money.
ooh, and just fixed a nice new layout

2006-12-20T11:52:00.000-08:00

My mistake. How my blogger ended op japanese , and therefore not understable to me, I don't know. I was not supposed to post twice today. But hey, it happens when you randomly push buttons with japanese characters on it.
Turned 17 two months ago. I am getting very,very sick of people saying : But hey! I thought you were twenty, and then talking differently to you, because of your age. damn. I am in a killer mood.
Listening to Atmosphere 's Smart Went Crazy,and that exactly how I feel. Very confused and a bit aggresive in the mix.
Ah, but coffee soothes the mind. Or gets me hyper.
Still not real straightened out from the break-up with my boyfriend. Hmmpf. I am the kind of girl who wants everything solved on the spot, including emotions and stuff. Not really working.
But it calms me greatly on the other side. Ha. Anyone say schizo?

Mood: ....
Listening : Atmosphere

2006-12-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

Damn. Awful lot of shit has happened in six months. Way too busy and lazy to decently update this blog.
Finished high-school, which was an awful lot of work. Got accepted into the theaterdesign school I was talking about, dropped out already,stupid, stupid stupid school. Not getting into the what and why's , because this would get into a full-blown rant about emo's, stupid people, and both of that mixed together.Now getting a higher degree of highschool(but then the special version, for drop-outs ), which is still a levellower than the one I begun after primary school. How I damn that full-blown puberty from my 12th to 14 year, which fucked quite a lot up. Me in the proces to.
Broke up with my boyfriend after a year and 9 months. But that just happened last week.
Where the fuck went the fun part in life? The sun,the weird stuff, the random idiot friends crap. Everything turned serious. How ** boring.
Everybody's whining about 'new steps in life' blablah. ' Thinking about the future" kinda crap. The only thing I picture in my future is a cat, probably, and my own bookshop , a whole fucking lot of coffee and the smell of jasmine. Let the time fill in the blanks. If I did not have blanks in my heart and head to fill, then the whole discover life thing and living at all is not worth the effort of stupid emotions mixing with hormones and messing around with your head.

2006-04-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

Sooo. I bought 2 new comic books yesterday&today, XXXHolic from CLAMP. Pretty messed up comics, but totally..hot. The first time I saw the title ( I wanted to read it anyway, because it is from my favorite comicpeople) I thought it was some lousy perverted comicbook. But I picked up part1. for 4.50 euro, which is less than half the price you normally pay for manga, so I thougt..what the heck, lets buy. Damn. I am now officially addicted. I have 5 parts of the series, and my little brother has part 6.
I have 25 manga comic books by now. I would eat pie to celebrate it, but I dont have pie, soo..duh.
Tomorrowevening a party, kinda looking forward to it. Drum N Bass and stuff. And tomorrow morning...looking for easter eggs with my sister and 3 year old brother.
Next week I hear if I am accepted on my new school. I am bloody nervous. Normally I do not care jack shit about things, but this is the only education I would like to follow after my graduation.
The education I signed up for is Theaterdesign. So, with costumes, decor, and theater/movie makeup. Big Field art! Use the space and get caught in the mace.
Damnit.
Or I just open a bookshop. Books Books Books. I love 'em!

Mood : Tired and satisfied and nervous. O.o edgy..
Music : Tricky - Evolution Revolution Love
Taste : Coffee and chocolate easter eggs.
Reading : Bret Easton Ellis - American Psycho
Line of honourable mention: This is a case for psychology and extreme violence.

signing out, copy

2006-03-25T09:15:00.001-08:00

I was halfway through a post, but damn, this stupid internet. I love spring. With my whole blackened heart. The breeze through my open window carries the sound of chirping birds and my room smells of jasmine tea. I am sitting crosslegged on my bed, very chill , smoking a cigarette, and now and then cursing at my computer who does not listen. the 23th I was in Amsterdam, with Vincent, going to a exposition of games and art combined. It sucked. It was small, and they did not have anything interesting to say.
The rest of the expositions were fairly decent, but I did not go to Amsterdam for that expositions. It was my anniversary with my boyfriend, and after the museum we went shoe-shopping. I found really nice adidas shoes.
Yesterday I was at the anniversary of my grandparents ( 50 years perfect marriage) and ate a lot Indonesian food.
Today I worked a bit on my portfolio, and ate strawberries with Fiene. And drank a lot of Jasmine tea. I <3 jasmine tea.
And tonight.....fiesta!

Mood- Spring bored
Smell: jasmine tea
Music :Eels - Saturday Morning

signing out, copy

2006-02-18T15:09:00.000-08:00

Late again. My fingers are itching to do something artysmarty, but the inspiration to draw is lacking, and the materials for other stuff are..not in my house. And I hardly can ride to the shop in the middle of the night for it. My hair smells like yoghurt and lime. I like it. Last times I updated my blog, the posts are just random thoughts typed out. Nothing useful. No good gossip, deep philisophical thoughts, and nothing edible. I am desperate for a cigarette, but I don't think I should go outside today(night?). But if I had beard stubble, a long coat , sunglasses, and a gun I would go. I would do a little speaker in my pocket and I would let it play a semi-nostalgic-dangerous instrumental song. I would talk to myself without opening my mouth, and I would say things like " If only he had not killed my wife and kids, I would not have become the man I am now. " In a really strong manly voice. That I did not have a wife or any kids, does not matter. Because everybody would think I am a dangerous hitman, like in the movies. Yeah. That would be the coolest thing. Signing out, copy

2006-02-17T14:38:00.000-08:00

I should be sleeping. I really should. Sick and stuff, but..I DONT WANT TO.
That is out of my system now. Finally, vacation. My hair is greasy, I look pale, really zombielike. But coffee, keeps the dead going. I can't wait for Sunday, because Vincent is going to help me with my portfolio. I could kiss him for it. I will kiss him. No doubt. With tongue and stuff. Hah. You really would not want to know. And if you do, please, please leave. New template. I quite like it. But if everything sucks up later on, it will go back again, old skool style. I think this is the fever talking. Signing out, copy.

2005-12-08T01:35:00.000-08:00

I will go cosplaying soon! XD. As Mamimi from the anime FLCL ( also known as FuriKuri or FoolyCooly). With a nice girl from my class , I will go to Enschede. Some minor city in the Netherlands.
The Netherlands is a small ass country, but really really famous.
I can imagine why. Marihuana is kind of legal here. It is forbidden to grow it, but not to sell it. did anyone say weird..? But, alas, you have to be 18 to buy it. Beer is sold to you if you are sixteen, and strong liquor ( more than 18 % alcohol) is sold at 18.
When you are underaged here, it is way too easy to get it anyway. All of it. If you look old enough they sell it anyway. I quitted the marihuana a year ago. better. It fuckes up your brain.
Holland is weird. Hookers are everywhere, and sex shops are very normal. If you are gay or lesbian you can still marry your love. ( Cooooool huh?)

And then we still have some Harry Potter look a like loser, who is the vice president ( and the queen is obsessed about hats, just google Koningin Beatrix).( Koningin means queen in Dutch)

WTF? What is wrong here? I like Holland, but some things just go to extremes. Not that I mind, but after Theo van Gogh was killed by a moslim extremist , it looks like everybody did go * Kleng* "I am going to be a rascist now!"

...idiots. All bloody fucking idiots. I am white and stuff..but I just hate rascism. I have a bit Indonesian blood, my boyfriend has dark skin, I am bisexual.

...I love and hate Holland. Damn. I just can't decide. Our language is btw way to difficult for foreigners to learn. All kind of old-school influences from France, Germany, Italy..
It is fucked up. I still say many things wrong, and I was friggin born here.
Maybe I should just stop my ranting now. I look like a sore loser, who hates life. But I dont. I LOVE life. I always find interesting things to do, and so less time. I want to see the world, I want to read books and stories, and comics, I want to build a robot, but I suck at technology. I want to make outrageous clothes, the ones like in the animes and stuff. I want to hitchhike without being raped or something stupid like that. I want to sing all the time, and I want to make out of all my weird ideas ever weirder computer games. I want to have a big ass sword, not just a crappy katana. DAAAH. I am going insane. I want to write a book, I want to have patience, I want to be not so short tempered. because sometimes I just freak out and go totally insane over the stupidest things.

..sorry about the rant. I had to much coffee, frustrations and love in my smart ass soul

2005-11-29T00:21:00.000-08:00

Hah. Another school day. I should be working on this computer, but I am a bit lazy.
I have to type a little piece of information about my friends, wich I started a fictional rockband with for a school project. It has a really hot site, because we have a html-geek in the group:P.
This sort of projects can you do on my school. This stupid school havent got " lessons" in their vocabulaire. I have no idea how it all should help me with my exams. But, the rest is quite the fun.

I WANT WORLD OF WARCRAFT. IT IS SO HOT. HOT HOT. I WANNA HAVE WANNA WANNAAA.
hehe. I am such a friggin baby.
I have the Peter Pan syndrome. And it is very contagious.Muhaha.

2005-11-23T18:33:00.000-08:00

The new day arrived. Kind of. In the Netherlands it is exactly 3.33 AM in the morning.
I cannot sleep ,and I am very bored.
Never drink 3 cups of coffee before bedtime. It sucks.Believe me, it does.
I think school is out of the question tomorrow. When I dont get enough sleep, I get ill, and write stories all day long.Or not.
Now I am listening Pete Philly with insomnia. Very depressing.
I am so tired I cant even sleep.
I hope my friends from France drop by this Christmas. They promised, but hey, they are still French. OOOh the memories. Drunk dancing on beach tables, vodka and lollipops, water bycycling, lots of ska..It was so good. Now I am going to search for another thing to do.

2005-11-23T03:53:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is my first post. Hope I will keep up the blog, and I hope I can talk one of my computer-geek friends into making a nifty lay-out. ( I suck with computers, really).
I think I am buying a new manga one of these days...
I am soo extremely out-of-my-mind bored. Stupid ********* school. I am so glad I dont have to work today.
Hah! School break. Typing hurts with an injured hand.
Up up and away!