Monday, March 24, 2008
Wow. My school is going perfectly fine. This is kind of a wonder for me. Getting really fine grades ( hoping to keep that up) and finish the damn thing.
Which means a new school with classes I probably like, meeting new people and getting a place of my own. New studies and living on my own gives me a lot more freedom, and change. Those are the things in life I mostly crave. If my life is the same too long I fuck up everything really badly just for a
change. Not really healthy, I know that, but as long as I'm aware of the turning point I now try to occupy myself with good and healthy changes, before it goes spiralling downwards.
I have to work my ass off for finishing school properly, and I regret it that is affecting my social life. But it is worth it.
Spring's coming up, which means scary exams but also nice and fresh scents in the air, blossoms,skirts and big sunglasses. Which means reading books on park benches, watching people, riding my bike randomly around town , just wandering. Spring and summer mean drawing in the grass with friends, and making campfires and laughing to the morning hours.
I think I have almost never found myself so calm and happy, but I guess that just means that puberty is over ( and so are the raging hormones) which is perfectly fine by me. Ready for the next steps, studying harder , making money ( not spending it responsibly, but just travel a lot)
The only bad thing about an ending puberty is not being able to use it as an excuse when I have a really dirty mind again, and speak it.
listening: bjork&moby - big time sensuality
3:07 PM; i didn't took a picture.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Damn. School is killing me. Many assignments to hand in, and they're bloody difficult. At the moment I am really really tired. Went clubbing yesterday, and it was fun, but now my back hurts and my head because I had a few beers too many, and I tried to make an iglo in my bed with blankets so I slept in a really wrong angle.
I am kind of dissapointed, because the college I was aiming for ( the whole reason why i got into Havo again) was not about books, because paper isn't fashionable or something. It's about publishing( which i like) but focusing on magazines, e-zines, weblogs and the next big thing.
So, new search then.
But, I've got all the time in the world.
and i want this
http://www.pacemaker.netKind of a turntable mp3 player.
Bit expensive, but hey.. it's awesome.
mmm, i want a cappuchino. really bad. And I want to play the new game, assasins creed. It looks awesome, and youre a hitman in 1200 or something. That means killing pope's or knight templars and stuff in Jerusalem. :)
listening - digital mystikz
drinking - apple juice
mood - neutral & tired
10:12 AM; i didn't took a picture.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Now I am going to kick back and relax.
Fuck all this stress, I refuse to touch a book again.
I want coffee, and my drawing itch is back.
HURRAY.
But I'm kind of relieved.
Broke up with Rick, cuz I just wasnt in love anymore. Still staying friends so he is not out of my life, because I really like him, just not in THAT way.
Gives me peace of mind.
Bought a really stylish coat, with an enormously high collar. I feel like a total hitman.
Got a medaillon for my b-day, still too lazy to put a pic in it, so now there's only disney confetti inside.
Now I'm going to draw before the itch fades.
copy, out
mood: rebel-ish
music - I, cactus
12:45 PM; i didn't took a picture.
Friday, November 02, 2007
I've been reading a book about a shark in the maelstrom's of your being ( kind of a virus in the combination of your mind & body) that eats your memories.
It's a really fucked up book, but amusing none the less.
Maybe there is such a shark in my system.
Friends ask me all the time ' did you remember when you did, when he said this, when we played ninja in class...'
No, i don't.I am a chaotic person, that for sure, and my memory isnt great, but lately I can't remember a thing. Its kind of disturbing, I only remember really outstanding stuff, or random bits of trivia without meaning.
It's like my mind is a sponge and someone wringed it out, leaving only a few drops behind.
My mind was full of memories, feelings, ideas and random other stuff.
Lately it's just blank. I hardly touch a pencil anymore , which i really miss, just drawing for hours, and less and less insane plots to take over the world.
Hardly anything gets a feeling from me.Mostly just some raised eyebrows or ' i am bored.....".
Quite weird. It feels like somebody put me on automatic pilot, and I just CANT FIND THE SWITCH.
So I try to drown myself in books lately ( besides school and social life) so I hardly sleep.
This all sounds pretty emo, but I am not depressed about it. It's just, that I hardly care anymore lately. Everybody talks about all kinds of feelings, and I can hardly remember how such a feeling feels.
Really really disturbing.
I need something drastic. I think I am going to shave my head and become a Buddhist Monk.
copy, out
Music: Vice records remix
9:32 AM; i didn't took a picture.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Soo..
I am so stressed right now .
It's an all new stress-high.
Schoolexams coming up, so if I ruin them, there is this minuscule change of being able to fix it later.
And I am just THAT GOOD at ruining stuff. ( damn, that sounds pretty emo)
It's like a special power of mine, ruining things. RUINING GIRL -WITH THE POWER TO RUIN IT!
heheh.
I am currently overdosing on books too, because i got muchos books for my 18th b-day.
So when I close my eyes I see letters everywhere. Its kind of fun, but then they remind me of the stuff i have to do for school, and instead of doing them I get so stressed out I just go smoke and make plans to do them later... ( later is NEVER mostly with me)
Finally eighteen. LEGAL TEQUILA , here i come!
And I got the greatest idea. AND I AM DOING IT.
I am going to Japan spring/summer 2009. 3 friggin months.
sushi, cherry blossoms, action heroes, really cute girls in really short skirts, apple crisps and comic books/ Did i mention sushi?
I am going alone, like a cowboy, and study the japanese language.
Green tea, not really fond of it. But i really dig all the crazy styles over there.
I'll just play the hot foreigner, and bring some tulip bulbs. Than I marry some crazy yakuza-wannabe and maybe they let me stay ( whattyacallit? a Permit, green card?)
Wonder how Jap-coffee tastes.
but it is going to be expensive so if you see me sitting in the street playing an instrument I really can't play well, just give me money and I will stop the awful sound.
Listening: Jazzanova - nonstop to tokyo ( just gets me in the mood already)
drinking : cinnamon tea
10:10 AM; i didn't took a picture.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
why is it so addicting to do this random stuff?
Guess i really like fillings forms, especially unnecessary ones.
SHAKE IT LIKE A POLARBEAR NINJA About You ( in this case , ME)
Eye Color:: green with brown
Hair Color:: blondish
Height:: 164 cm ( that's what my ID card says)
Favorite Color:: see-through
Screen Name:: pushbuttonclick
Favorite Band:: atmosphere
Favorite Movie:: battle royale!
Favorite Show:: house md , life on mars
Your Car:: I've outgrown it since i was 6. It's red with some tomato stains, and you have to drive it like a bike.
Your Hometown:: Utrecht ( Utreg me stadjuuuh)
Your Present Town:: Utrecht, still
Your Crushes First Name:: Rick
Your Grade:: uh, 5 havo
Your Style:: is awesome
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?: absolutely it's the ideal place for midnight wonderings and other bouts of insomnia
Kissed someone in the rain?: of course , i had to try that cliche.
Danced in a public place?: the clubs , the street, festivals......
Smiled for no reason?: I always have a reason, but sometimes i just don't feel like telling people, or i am 'just happy ' for no reason, but then i smile cuz i am happy and that's a reason.
Laughed so hard you cried?: yesterday
Peed your pants after age 8?: sorry, can't remember
Written a song?:: of course, and it sucked like hell
Sang to someone for no reason?: yes. singing is good especially when you mess up the lyrics way too weird.
Performed on a stage?: jup
Talked to someone you don't know?: talking to strangers is a really fun thing to do. Except if they're pervs.
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: Hmm, not really
Made out in a theatre?: sure
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: no idea what 8th grade is, but i guess. did it 4 months back
Been in love?: yeah
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?: Daan
Tell you, I love you?: mm, my mom and Sharon
Kiss you?: my little brother kissed me on the arm today. And the really nice mouth to mouth kissing did Rick
Hug you?: Isabel
Tell you BYE?: forget her name
Write you a note?: no idea, i only get online messages and emails. paper is so last year.
Take your photo?: Karien
Call your cell phone?: Mick
Buy you something?: Paul and my sister
Go with you to the movies?: Rick
Sing to you?: Olivier
Write a poem about you?: ewwww don't want to remember that
Text message you?: Mick
Touch you?: Isabel ( but not the dirty touching, you pervert, you)
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?: this afternoon
Time you cried?: a few weeks back
Movie you watched?: Nightmare on Elm street
Joke you told?: uh..
Song you've sang?: air- all i need
Time you've looked at the clock?: 21.33
Drink you've had?: apple juice
Number you've dialed?: not telling, she might get stalked
Book you've read?: Haruki Murakami - blind willow, sleeping woman
Food you've eaten?: cashew nuts
Flavor of gum chewed?: mint
Shoes you've worn?: sneakers
Store you've been in?: no clue, really
Thing you've said?: no way
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?: yes but if i write with my right it just looks really awful.
Whistle?: sure, but not really good
Blow a bubble?: only underwater or with chewing gum
Roll your tounge in a circle?: no idea
Cross your eyes?: yes i'm an expert
Touch your tounge to your nose?:nope
Dance?: i can , just not really good. I'm white
Stay up a whole night without sleep?: i can, but i get really cranky
Speak a different language?: yes i can
Impersonate someone?: only on the phone
Prank call people?: sure , that's awesome
Make a card pyramid?: never tried, so i leave ya hanging there
Cook anything?: sure i can
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were ...:a cartoon character i would be Mamimi from FLCL
I wish ...: for world domination
So many people don't know ...:I am that cool
I am...: not a fish and secretly a polarbear ninja
My heart is ...: pretty bloody and fleshy and beating and Inca's probably want to have it for their sacrificing rituals, but i need it a bit harder than their gods
12:44 PM; i didn't took a picture.
Okay, small update for the people who read this.
broke up with Vincent, and almost instantly fell in love again, which really freaked me out at the time and i guess I freaked Rick ( the guy i fell in love with) out too with it.
The feelings were mutual ( the 'in love ' part, not the 'omg i am confused wtf ohh helll noo' part)
so that worked out reallly fine. very happy with Rick, passed on to the new grade ( with some summerhomework , but hey, I PASSED ! I am KING)
Gone to dour festival in Belgium, and it was way awesome. Sun , swimming , GREAT MUSIC , throwing canned foods, whiskey and cheap festival beer.Making fun of belgian accents...did i mention great music? It was the most insane festival ever , everybody there was CRAZY , and i saw some really disturbing things. And it was very dirty, and when I got home it took an hour in the shower to get all the mud and dirt of me.
And the last evening I got way drunk and embarassed myself awfully....my friends still don't let me live it down.
And for the rest of the holiday it consisted of wine, sake, japanese food,going to amsterdam...some parties, and maybe next week to Spain with my best friend, Sharon, who is more awesome than anybody I know.
Rick was almost cast for an Adidas commercial , but he turned it down ( which is retarded, because he could make 400-800 euro with it and Adidas is Holy!) which was kind of ironic because we were in Amsterdam because he and Colin had to particpate in an Nike commercial, but the shooting of the commercial took so much time that the part where to would come in was skipped, but they still got the money, so that was fine.
small update of my life
Mood- energetic, mood for doing cooler stuff than summer homework
Drinking - coffee, lots of it
Listening - the slip - even rats
Labels: adidas, dour, holiday, nike, sake
6:40 AM; i didn't took a picture.
18,dutch and addicted to cinnamon coffee with a touch of book obsession
